While You Were Sleeping
by morning.chickenhead
Summary: Young Manny and Craig enjoy one of their first make-out sessions together. But something incomprehensible happens while Manny sleeps which will change her forever... Mature themes of sex and sexual assault. Thx to Veni Yan Cari for asking me to continue.
1. While You Were Sleeping

**Disclaimer: I do not own characters or settings from Degrassi. Just the stuff between the proper nouns.**

**While You Were Sleeping**

The kisses are so sweet. A little sloppy, granted, but at last I am loved. Someone…he…_Craig_ cares enough about me to touch my face softly with the back of his hand. To gaze deeply into my eyes. To stroke my hair. And kiss me…

Firmly on the lips and I can feel the roughness of chapped skin. The tip of his tongue searchingly parts lips, probes inside. I shift my head and our teeth knock. I'm embarrassed. He just smiles. Then lowers his face back to mine, his breath warm and wet on my cheek. Then comes inside for more. Deeper. His tongue expands. My throat is for the taking.

I had no idea that kisses were battles. But I armour my own tongue, fight back. Hesitant at first waiting to be told I'm wrong, but our tongues roll together; his responds. I run my tongue on the ridge of his mouth. I'm pleased he delivers a shiver. Then rolls me on my back with a leg between mine and his tongue tickles my throat once again.

Oh great, I feel it coming on, a tickle to a cough. I retch a little but he doesn't stop. I'm embarrassed but I have to shove him off. Then I cough and cough and cough.

Um, are you okay? he says, concerned.

I'm fine, I hack. I force a smile.

So embarrassed, horrified. He passes a bottle of water. The liquid soothes my bothered throat and I quickly replace the lid. I'm eager to get back to battle. I thrust the bottle away and grab him, pulling him down hard, back into my mouth.

Momentarily, he breaks away, and examines me thoughtfully from above. God, you're beautiful; his murmur is warm. A quick searing kiss and his head lifts again. Make love to me, Manny. I want you.

My heart hammers hard; that kisses were battle I just had not known. My body ached up inside, but I just learned of kisses! Too much for one night; just one step at a time. Part of me wants it but – No, I mew. I hang my head, Sorry. I'm not ready for that.

Then just stay the night with me. I want you near.

Happily, I nod, snuggle up to his body. For at last I am loved. I am loved…

Groggily, strangely, I awake in the night. My back is turned to Craig and I can see no light. I swallow back my breath in panic – what is going on? Down on that place of ache and warmth a finger probes the surface. The finger wiggles back and forth. It's hard and it's persistent. I lie quietly, perfectly still, and make my breath deep like I'm sleeping. Sometimes a jolt of what's supposed to be pleasure?, and other times nothing but slippery searching. I shut my eyes tightly, bite down on my tongue. Someone else is touching me in a place I didn't know I had. Someone else is touching me while I'm supposedly asleep. Someone else is – what's going on? This someone else is Craig.

Minutes pass; I don't know, maybe it's hours. But I show no response and he finally gives up. He slides his finger out of my underwear, his hand from out of my pants. He removes his arm from around my waist. He turns so his back is toward me, space between us.

I tremble. And I sleep no more.


	2. It's Okay

**Disclaimer: I do not own characters or settings from Degrassi. Just the stuff between the proper nouns.**

**It's Okay**

I must have dozed a bit, because when I next open my eyes Craig is standing in the middle of the room pulling a sweater over his head.

You need to go, he says.

No, it's okay, I quickly reply. My parents think I'm sleeping at Emma's.

But _Joey_ doesn't know you're here. He rolls his eyes.

I press my lips together and shyly sit up with my legs tucked up under me. I feel some wetness in the seat of my pants and am embarrassed.

Here's your coat. Craig throws it at me without looking. He's erratically rushing around the room, picking things up and flinging them under the bed or into the clothes hamper in the corner.

Are you mad at me? I wheedle. I remember last night while I was sleeping and I'm so afraid that he will hate me.

Look, he says, freezing in his stance though bent to pick up a book. Ashley's coming over, okay? And you can't be here.

My heart freezes as he averts his eyes.

No. Call and cancel. Please?

The perfect ending to the perfect night. His voice is thick with sarcasm.

I gulp. No really. Just…let me stay.

He bobs his head from side to side, trying to make up his mind. Oh…you _are_ cute, he admits, pouncing back on to the bed and rolling on top of me excitedly.

I giggle. I like his playfulness.

But then his hands are on my pants, right where the wet spot is.

I panic. I stiffen and grab his hands with mine.

The look on Craig's face says, I knew it. He pulls away from me, shrugging, shaking his head, grimacing.

Wait, I say, grabbing his arms now to pull him back to me.

He smiles toothily and says, That's more like it. When his hands go down there again I swallow my instinct to stop him.

It's okay, he murmurs in my ear. Then he reaches for the phone.


	3. Fuzzy

**Disclaimer: I do not own characters or settings from Degrassi. Just the stuff between the proper nouns.**

**Fuzzy**

We have been walking briskly, quietly, not touching even by accident, careful to keep a foot of space between us.

All I hear is ragged in-drawn breaths from beside me. I don't dare to look at him. For I have spurned him a second – third? fourth? – time.

I just don't get it, Craig finally says without looking at me. Is there a reason you keep pushing me away?

And I don't dare answer. How can I explain that I'm afraid? How can I explain what even I don't understand?

Look, I'm sorry I didn't get you off last night, he continues.

_Get me off? Huh?_ I quickly toss my head from side to side, hoping no one has heard this indiscretion. Or _is_ it an indiscretion? Maybe it's normal. And maybe I should be pleased. Pleased that he wishes to please me.

But the harshly raised eyebrows of a thirty-year-old woman passing by with twins in a stroller indicate that this is something that should not be said. Or if it should be, not around her children's tender ears.

No, I, uh, I sputter.

But while we're on the topic, it is a little fuzzy.

I am bewildered. I agree whole-heartedly, it's very fuzzy. Fuzzy because I am so darned _confused!_ It's like someone switched my brain to a channel it can't receive, and so all its screen shows is that black and white and grey snow-fuzz. What happened last night? We went to sleep in the same bed, and when I woke up, Craig's hand was down my pants. I was scared and I had no idea what was going on. But when morning came around and he was ditching me for Ashley, I wanted nothing more than his arms around me.

And what happened this morning? Well, I let his fingers creep down, down, so they were just lightly touching that unknown spot, but before it could go beyond the jolt of pain, I grabbed his hand away once more. Craig was furious. And he leaped up, zipping up his pants and stomping from the room; I flew after him, all the way out of the house and on to the sidewalk, and struggled to catch up with him until here, when finally he slowed. Then spoke. And switched my brain to fuzz.

When I come to, Craig is still talking, telling a story about, I think, a woman he has seen at the community centre pool.

And she walks out of the changeroom and everyone just goes – ha – _silent._ It's like, haven't you _heard_ the word wax? So we call her "The Yeti." A toss of the head, a laugh. Then he chokes, All that hair – _disgusting!_

Um, yes, I say distractedly, seeing we have reached The Dot and he's about to enter. I lean forward and smile widely. So do you want to get some breakfast together, or –?

With a quick glance over his shoulder and my following eyes to where Ashley is perched with a few friends, I know the answer is no.

Take a raincheck? he asks, and my heart melts because of that cute little grin and puppy eyes.

Yeah. Definitely. But what are you going to tell Ashley?

Don't worry about it, he says with his back to me as he opens the door. Just think about what I said about the hair, and we'll do it again sometime soon.


	4. Call Waiting

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Degrassi. **

**Call Waiting**

I wait five…long…grueling…impossible…hours…

…before calling him.

He picks up. Hi! Heart hammers. But the perky voice is only mine.

Uh…hi. What's…up?

Oh, nothing. Just wanted to, you know, know how…breakfast at The Dot was this morning!

Fine.

Pause. Long. Long. Long Pause.

So…what else is up?

Well, do you want to do something later? I was thinking maybe we could go down to the park –

Click, beep.

Oh, yeah, sounds great, but, um, can you hang on a sec? I've got another call coming in.

Heart slides. It's no problem.

Great. Just hang on, Manny.

The silence on the other end is thick like soup, muffled-nothing in the cave of my ear.

Self-consciousness reigns. Here I am. Cradling a telephone. Really cradling my fragile heart. I want to feel loved…I want you to love me. But I look so stupid. There can't be anything natural about a banana-shaped piece of plastic plastered against my grinding jaw and thumping temple.

I review my plan in my head: simple. Distract him. We can do other fun things. Go to the park. Go to the zoo. Take a moonlit walk in a silent alley. Romantic! He'll realize. He can have fun with me. He can fall in love with me. He doesn't have to put his hands there. That is, down my pants.

But what if. What if, what if, what if. What if that's what everyone does. What if we go to the park and he wants it. What if I don't satisfy him. What will people say. I'm a bad little girl who thinks that she's good. But good little girls do what they're told.

Shouldn't I make other people feel good. That's my job. Smile at them and elicit their smile. Bat my eyelashes under my bangs and make them shake their heads at God's little miracle. Kiss mommy's cheek after daddy hits her in the face. Then run after daddy. Put arm around neck. Curl up in lap. Nuzzle cheek. I love you, Daddy. What did I do to hurt you?

People are always waiting. People are always waiting for me. People are always waiting for me to screw up. People are always waiting for me to screw up then make it better. I don't want to screw up this time. Not when there's so much on the line.

But what's on the line?

Still. Muffled. Silence.

I wait fifty…There's a reason he likes Ashley better than me.

…long…He thinks I'm too fuzzy.

…grueling…How can I fix myself? So. I'm. Love-able.

…impossible…Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo doo. Doo doo, doo doo, DOOT doo doo doo doo doo…

…minutes…The answers are within yourself. Look harder, Manuela. Harder.

…before Craig's voice crackles through the line.

I think half my face is asleep.

It tingles.

It also kind of hurts.

Sorry. Just Ashley. She had to talk to me about something.

Er…it's all right. Eager. So do you want to go to the park later?

The park? Oh, right...Um, yeah, we can go, if it's after dark. Meet me outside The Dot at nine and we can walk there together. A teasing tone. Don't want you getting lost, little Manny.

I'm elated that he wants to walk together. Wants to protect me. Wants to…

And widdle Manny should be widdle bare. With no hair. Just a widdle bare. I'd really like that, Manny. Pwease?...Pwetty pwease?

He must be twiddling his finger up and down against his lips.

No words. No words. Waiting…speak, Manny, speak. Out with it, girl!

I…gotta go. See ya at nine!


	5. Cutoff

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Degrassi. **

**Cut-off**

Straight to the bathroom to flush my plan down the toilet.

But not my dreams. Never my dreams.

I can do this. I can be what he wants me to be. I can be better than that.

I want to be better than what he wants me to be.

Water. Running. Hot.

I fill the tub as high as it will go without spilling. Over the edge.

Not here to relax. Not here to clean and purify my body. Not here. Not now.

Hot water. As high as it will go. So requires acrobatics to do what I need to do.

I try. Feet flat, hands flat on the tub floor. Arch back. Surfacing. Slowly.

With one hand still flat on the floor, whining against the ivory with the change in balance, I reach with the other hand and squirt shaving gel into the palm.

Gingerly, dab. Dab, dab. Rinse hand. Where is razor? –

Light knocking. Manuela?

Hand and feet splay out, and I land with a hard thump. Yes, Mama?

Everything all right in there?

I suppose she thinks it odd I should be bathing in the middle of the day.

It's fine. I just didn't get to take a shower at Em's this morning.

Okay, well don't take too much longer. I need to wash up before dinner.

All right.

Not all right.

Grumbling, I sit my bruised bottom. On the edge. Of the tub.

Still slippery. But less acrobatic. Certainly less attractive. Monkey girl, perched on the edge. Looking down, picking around her private parts, grooming to be rid of the minuscule bugs. Insects. A round little mound, so dark brown, black. The little creatures masquerade as hairs. But I see them wiggling, feel them digging carelessly into my tender skin.

Be gone! Evil nightcrawlers.

The insecticide is my trembling hand pressing down on icy razor blades. Swallowing. Each scrape harder, more persistent. They must be gone.

Even on the insides they taunt me. We hide between your savage lips and feed on your ignorance. Come and get us. We'd really like that.

Tremble.

Widdle Manny, we'd really love it. Come cut us. Show us what magic you can work with those widdle paws.

I don't know where the blood comes from because I don't feel the cuts. But it's mixing with the troubling insects and ungluing them from my body, dripping them into the hot. Water.

On the edge. My searching fingers find the tip of the insects' home. Their queen bee. Hated and feared. She must be controlled.

She wriggles free and laughs, making me shiver in disgust.

I threaten her with the razor. This could be over. Here. And now.

But I cannot move. My entire body. Cold.

Frozen.

I rock my body until it's forced into the hot.

Water runs. Away from me. Fears me. Hates me. On the edge. Of the drain. Spill. Blood and black hairs at its heels.

I calmly extract myself from the empty tub. I conscientiously clean up after, using toilet paper to wipe up the excess hair. I confidently examine myself in the full-length mirror behind the door. I am bright and youthful. No more monkey. No more insects.

A stark, bald ice berg. Could sink the Titanic.

Satisfaction.

It's more than he wanted. It's nothing.


	6. Queen Bee

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Degrassi.**

**Queen Bee**

At the park. He walks stiltingly beside me. Again we do not touch.

The air between us is charged. There is so much chemistry between us. This lust, this desire for each other.

A little niggling at the back of my mind disagrees…and thinks it's something else. But not tangibly enough for me to listen. I've. Been. Waiting. Far too long. For love.

It's been at least half an hour. Barely. A word. Passed between us.

Tentative. I…did what you asked me to. You got a wax?! No…no…I…shaved. You know, down there. Ashen. I thought that's what you wanted.

Stops walking. Turns to face me, face inches from face. No one's ever done that for me, baby.

No one means Ashley. No-one-ever means _I'm_ his baby! Because down there I'm now a baby, hairless and fresh, curious and innocent. For-him means I pleased him. And I live for nothing else.

Breathless. God, I love you, Manny.

He said he loves me!!!

And the moonlight spilling out of the sky, and the dark tree shadows swaying in the breeze, and the scent of the daffodils and tulips. He. Loves. Me!

And suddenly I'm wrapped in his arms and we're wrapped in the breeze as one, with a thick, long, wet kiss. This time maybe it's not such a battleground. Because I fly a white flag as I ride onto the field, and I swoon for my opponent and am transformed into his prize. His cup. His forever-after.

Fumbles with the button on my jeans and catches his fingers in the zipper. Jesus! I shrink back at the exclamation. Or is it at the action? He's going in again. Well this time I am ready. Take me now or forever hold your peace.

But I quiver a bit when his hand is in my panties. Finger. Persistent. Searching. When he lands a hit to the sensitive spot, I jump, and quickly bat away his hand. It's too much, to give him that power. To let him hurt and pleasure me, to give myself away.

But with his lips firmly against mine I can say nothing and still he persists. Finger. Searching.

Searching.

Finger.

A hard and melting center and I realize I missed one of them. One of the bugs. Those evil vermin. I missed one. The Queen Bee.

She writhes and spits, both famished and mad. She wants the pleasure but without a visitor. She's the dame of this domain. She wants no one else to pain. No one else. To pain her.

The lips, her abode, ooze and weep.

And the legs attached to her shake imperceptibly. A quake to fell her city.

I should have cut her off when I had the chance. Then love could be love with no complications.

I shove Craig away by his chest and zip up my pants. Uncomfortable wetness. My legs are shaking!

Doesn't that mean that it's good?

I have no clue and I'm tired of trying. I want to crawl under a rock and finish my business with Nasty Queen Bee. Banish her from the kingdom, yes KINGdom, not queen. The king obviously rules. She will never live up.

To him.

I know somewhere inside that it isn't good even if he says it is. That it's out of fear and pain, not pleasure.

But miserably. I just say I don't know.


End file.
